SF to J-Tree: Road Trippin'

Having caught a severe case of the winter blues, photographer Jen Siska and I started dreaming of road trips/travel stories we could pitch to give us a reason to get out of town and have an adventure. Somehow 'a writer and photographer drive down the coast out to the desert and do a bunch of weird shit along the way' seemed like a good idea at the time. Luckily Anthology was game to let us do this and we love them for it.

As is our luck, the day we decided to leave San Francisco the clouds parted and the weather turned unseasonably warm, but we still excitedly packed up her little black Subaru and left our scenic seaside city for the great unknown. We had a few loose ideas but no real itinerary, which is the only way to travel in my opinion. First stop was San Juan Bautista, one of the first mission towns in California dating back to the mid 1800s. We drove down the main road into town and were greeted by the boisterous crowing of a rooster, which was a good sign we were far, far away from the 'bubble' of San Francisco. The downtown was a bit ghostly but charming, with some old Spanish-style buildings and the requisite Americana diner (we were determined to eat at one in every town).

After greasy grilled cheese and crispy bacon we wandered into an antiques/vintage shop called Fools Gold, at which I spotted the bizarre Elizabethan-styled cat head above and Jen scored an amazing long wool coat with fur hood, perfect for our classy style of road tripping. The shop owner mentioned that some members of the Donner Party were buried in a graveyard down the road, which sounded perfectly macabre. But the day was too bright and sunny, and the view from the hill was much too scenic to even conjure up any creepy vibes, so we said adieu to SJB and on to our next destination, a place we've been many times and never get tired of.

There's nothing I can say about Big Sur that hasn't already been said, and I don't think a photo or words can truly capture what it's like to be there. But if I must...It feels as though you are at the edge of the world and looking out onto something like heaven. part of what makes you appreciate its beauty is the dreamlike slowness of getting there, a long journey up a winding road that treads dangerously alongside a cliff. In the periphery a gauzy whiteness drifts toward you at eye level, the sparkling turquoise sea seducing you with its siren song. You try to sneak a quick glance here and there, careful not to linger too long or lurk too close to the edge, always wondering what if, what if.

SF to J-Tree: Madonna Inn

Mostly everyone in their 20s through 40s living in San Francisco or LA has heard of the Madonna Inn, the kitschy hotel located halfway between the two cities, a bizarre Disney-esque environment where each room has its own theme. My feeling with these kinds of places is that you have to go all in and get the theme-iest theme room they have, the dark dank 'cave room' with stalagtites growing from the ceiling and leopard print sheets. otherwise you're just in another gaudy motel. I can't remember what our room was called but I've dubbed it 'washed up hollywood starlet', the walls painted in bubblegum pink and turquoise with some halfhearted girly accents on the bed. It was weird enough to only vaguely distract from the oddly damp carpet and smell of smoke.

but we managed to have some fun...

The main building is really where the magic happens though. It was the weekend before Valentines Day and you can imagine in a place like this they don't take holidays lightly. The entire dining hall looked like a bloodbath of red and pink decor, hearts hanging from the ceiling. Of course we were dying to eat there but it was surprisingly expensive and not surprisingly there was nothing vegetarian on the menu for me. This place is loved by older people and young traveling hipsters alike, which always makes for an interesting mix. We decided to go get fancy cocktails near the ballroom where we could observe the dance party action. There were some amazingly energetic seniors on the dance floor shaking it and it was both impressive and endearing. After marveling at everything in sight, Jen and I decided to go assess the hot tub situation at the other end of the property.

Stepping outside we were suddenly looking at an eerie grey monochromatic landscape, a stunning contrast to the garish intensity of the color and ornate detailing inside. The air was thick with fog and there was a dark, mysterious quality to the landscape, although in a way it was hardly creepier than the interior. Alas! The hot tubs were closed for the night. We drove into town and got donuts instead.

SF to J-Tree: Please Don't Feed the Animals

Somewhere past the Danish village of Solvang we discovered a strange little vortex of misfit animal farms. First was Ostrich Land, its menacing sign a bit unsettling but yet so very alluring. After reading/ignoring multiple signs warning us of the potential dangers, we took our bowls full of pellets and went outside to feed the giant birds. If you've ever come face to face with an ostrich, their personalities are a bit like llamas. They flash this goofy perma-grin that makes one foolishly think, 'Awwww how cute and harmless! Let me feed you and pet you!'

Then, when they know they've got you hooked, in an instant they turn, their expressions revealing intentions of pure evil. Nervously holding out our food they greedily jerked their long necks out at us and began pecking furiously at the bowls, pellets flying everywhere. Ostriches may very well be the biggest a-holes in the animal world but they are hilarious and fascinating creatures. In the gift shop later, we are amazed to see the size of the eggs that come out of their strange prehistoric-like bodies. As we're leaving a young guy that works there tips us off to a mini-pony farm down the road. More cute and magical creatures? Yes, please.

The mini ponies had crazy manes that seemed overly long for their little bodies, reminiscent of certain 80s hair bands. Most of them were segregated to separate pens, and they all looked somewhat lonesome. After resisting the urge to open all the pens and let them run as fast as their mini-legs would carry them, we left feeling slightly bummed out. Yet not more than a few miles away on a backcountry road what do we see but...miniature donkeys! We've apparently arrived at Seein' Spots Farm and as we're driving through the entrance I do a double take at what appears to be a zebra…

or is it a donkey? We soon learn that this bizarre animal hybrid that essentially looks like a donkey in striped leggings is called a Zonkey. Kind of like a wolf in sheep's clothing this donkey was not very happily wearing zebra clothing, and it felt a bit disturbing to see this Frankensteined animal. Having had our fill of creepy animal farms, we headed south toward Santa Barbara.

SF to J-Tree: Mountains and Manmosas

Onward! Through the beautiful mountains above Santa Barbara and down a small side road into the woods we arrived at Cold Springs Tavern after a tip from a friend. A cozy old cabin in the woods with an outdoor piano was the perfect place to warm our bones and drink hot cocoa.

We spent a fun night in LA drinking wine with some friends, and the next morning they brought us to a little out of the way spot in the canyons of Agoura Hills called Old Place. Because the word healthy was banned from our vocabulary this week, we ordered gooey cinnamon rolls and ‘manmosas’ - pint glasses filled with champagne and the tiniest splash of orange juice. What is it about vacation that you can rationalize eating and drinking the most unhealthy shit you would normally never ingest?

After our brief stop in LA we were ready to be back on the open road again, away from the city traffic and stresses. The desert and wide open spaces were beckoning, as were the double pink rainbows that Jen kept trying to Instagram as we veered dangerously off the road.

SF to J-Tree: The Road to Hicksville

In the spirit of all things 'quirky' we stayed at Hicksville, a kitschy and colorful trailer park off a desert road that rents themed trailers. We stayed in the Sideshow, an old train car with a circus tent interior and old carnivalesque accoutrements including that creepy fortune telling head from the movie Big. The entire trailer was smaller than the size of my bedroom and I felt the claustrophobia setting in...

checking out the digs...

Eager to escape our tiny home we went out for drinks in Pioneertown, which used to be an old film set for western movies and now feels like a little touristy ghost town. Pappy and Harriet's is in the heart of it all, a great saloon/music venue than can either have a raucous or low key vibe depending on the night. We dance to a fun bluesy band then head to the pool tables to hustle some locals. it seems only fitting that Jen and I meet two guys visiting from NorCal named Mike and Mike. Mikes vs. Jens! They win of course, but what we lacked in skill we made up for in style.

the morning after...hangover fun in the sun

The next morning we run around like kids, exploring and trying out all of the free entertainment Hicksville had to offer: bb guns, ping pong, horseshoes, archery. Basically just being goofballs and feeling like badasses. Because nothing says badass like a girl in a pink sweater holding a bb gun.

serious fun...

SF to J-Tree: Take Me to Your Leader

No trip to Joshua Tree would be complete without a visit to the Integraton, the weird cultish dome where people go to meditate in a 'sound bath'. Supposedly legend has it that aliens telepathically contacted a man named George van Tassel and gave him healing methods and instructions to build the structure over highly electromagnetic grounds. Inside the dome you can lie side by side with about 50 other people and be surrounded in sounds created from a quartz bowl, which is supposed to realign your chakras and put you in a blissful state of euphoria. Doesn't that sound relaxing? I'm not sure if I was too caffeinated or just bothered by the stranger snoring just inches away from me, but it seemed like a scam to me. The final straw was when the girl next to me rolled over and accidentally smacked me in the face. I laid there for what seemed to be an excruciatingly long eternity, having completely given up on hopes of relaxation and now just contemplating just how much money this place was raking in from suckers like us.

Breakfast at Western Coffee alleviated my hangry mood, as it seemed the most Lynchian of all diners I've seen on the trip so far. Not just because of the random decor and characters who worked there, but the fact that we look over and see Mike and Mike(!) grinning and waving at us simultaneously from a booth across the room. Weirdness abounds in this town.

One of the local hippies recommended we check out Giant Rock down this long dirt road. After driving for what seemed like miles, we came upon a pretty big rock. Was this giant rock? How is one to know? It was considerably larger than most rocks I've seen. Yet somehow our instincts told us to keep driving. Then finally in the distance…

Giant! Rock! The massive boulder lay at the end of a landing strip I can only imagine was a welcome mat intended for visiting spaceships. Apparently some crazy prospector built a room for himself beneath the rock and lived there in the 30s and 40s, until he died in a self-detonated explosion to avoid the police. Since then the rock has split, exposing it's white insides, and the graffiti and beer cans of careless youth have made their mark. Feeling triumphant, we spent the rest of the day leisurely cruising the local thrift shops.

In the evening we searched for an old bowling alley, and it was the perfectly retro Yucca Bowl that we found. After a few fiercely competitive games and some brazen trash talking, we headed to Mojave Sands, a beautifully renovated '50s era motel that is now minimal desert modern, with rooms looking out onto a lovely courtyard.

This quote on the bathroom wall of Pappy's pretty much sums it up, and in essence this whole blog. Sadly the next day we began the drive to San Francisco, energy mills and chola trees fading in the distance. We stopped to see the Cabazon dinosaurs and had our last breakfast at the Wheel Restaurant/diner, famously featured in Pee wee's Big Adventure, the perfect ending before heading back to normalcy.

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